I am a Jewish woman considered to have transcended the child bearing years because of my high FSH. I was NOT fortunate to find the right partner in my 20s to be married to and have tons of children. It has been a lifetime dream of mine to have a large family. After an abusive marriage, and several years of being single post divorce, I re-married. I am thankful to be married to a wonderful man who treats me like a princess. Not being able to bear him a child is a source of grief on a number of different levels – as a Jewish woman who has been deprived of the mitzvah to be fruitful and multiply and bring several Jewish neshamoth into this world; as a wife who wants to provide my husband with children to carry on our Jewish heritage; and as a woman who simply does not want to be left out of the fertile Orthodox Jewish women’s world. I too want to push my stroller filled with laughing gurgling babies. Instead I now push an empty stroller full of tearful prayers and endless heartache.
A woman has been given the awesome gift of partnering with Hashem in the act of creation. When she has the deep desire to be a part of this creation and month after month, year after year there is no pregnancy, the deprivation of her role as Hashem’s partner in creation has devastating results. I want to document my journey through the deep valley of infertility as a way of offering encouragement. In addition, in writing this, I am trying to strengthen my enuma (faith) because my predicament comes from Hashem. Everything that comes from Hashem is good. This can sometimes be a very difficult concept to embrace.
I was searching for tehillim to help keep me strong for my two week wait of my current cycle and I found your page.
Your words brought tears to my eyes and I wish, hope and pray that Hashem has heard and answered your prayers.
I pray for your miracle as I pray for my own.
Shalom Chana – I will daven for you that your 2 week wait period will provide you the desired result. Thank you very much for your kind words. I did get my miracle and will post a special post during the auspicious day G-D willing I give birth. If you wish you can give me your Hebrew name via my emal ikrasnoff@earthlink.net. I hope you will soon have good news to share. Rivka
I personally know this person that has written this BEAUTIFUL blog and Lil Baby Bracha Menucha is such a CUTE little baby. I think it’s AWESOME that you are sharing your blessing with others, You have a WONDERFUL inspiring story (to share) that will hopefully touch, inspire, and give other’s hope. Keep posting updates on your blog. (One of) My ONLY (few) wish(es) is that I would be able to express myself in writing in a way that sounds like English, lol, and of course touch others positively. 🙂
ALWAYS reach out to as many people as you can, (unless they choose to be left alone) because someone, somewhere, out there feels ALL alone with their struggles and wishes someone would reach out to them.
My humble opinion is to NEVER give up on your dreams because you NEVER know when it’s your turn that Hashem will fulfill your mission in life (and of course your dreams.)
(I hope I wrote that last paragraph correctly.)
Thank you so much for your comment. Also for the friendship and prayers of your family which means so much to me. May we never forget the struggles that we had.
Rivka, I have just read your post- the letter to your unborn child. I was moved to tears. I was so touched. and as a single young woman, I was given a glimpse of a world foreign to me but such a reality for so many. It was moving, inspirational and will stay with me for a long long time.
I want the world to see it- i feel it would touch so many.
I was wondering if you would be interested in letting me send it the Jewish woman’s magazine, “Binah”. They have done alot of publications on this topic. I know the editor so I would speak to her- not a definite but would you be interested in letting me try?
Shalom Rivki – I am so honored that you would want to send my post to “Binah.” Please feel free to speak with the editor on my behalf. Thanks for your kind words! Gut Shabbos. Rivka
Hi Rivka,
I wanted to ask you a question about your journey, is there an email I can reach you at?
My email is ikrasnoff613@gmail.com